Dr Kim Brown, International Speaker, Mentor and Master NLP Coach /Practitioner offers a fascinating perspective on this. Sharing a very authentic and sometimes vulnerable life experience on same.
Kim says “There are no mistakes, everything happens perfectly for a reason. I am a single biological child, my older brother was adopted. My mum was told she was medically not able to have children, she fought hard enough had all the necessary operations, took the chances, took the risks. It was against all odds, all the diagnoses,against everything that I am even here. I am a one and only very special miracle.
Mum and dad knew that I needed to be here that I was worth fighting for,that I was enough even before I arrived. That’s no mistake, there are no mistakes. Children are born every single day, planned or unplanned, there are no mistakes. No human being deserves to believe that they were a mistake, or that any mom gave birth to a mistake. Let’s get rid of the guilt and shame surrounding being born as a mistake, even if you are unplanned.
No human should carry that feeling orburden through life that they were a mistake. No human should carry that belief into their relationships, into their workplaces, into their bedrooms that they were a mistake. There are no mistakes. They carry it as a limiting belief, as a barrier, as a limitation, they carry it as boundaries and restrictions that hamper their life. There are no mistakes.
The universe, God, infinite intelligence doesn’t make mistakes only miracles. And just because that choice wasn’t made with your knowledge or understanding doesn’t mean it was a mistake. It was a miracle, not the lottery, not by chance, just a full miracle. Think about it from a cellular level I am that one unique egg that was theone out of all the eggs that could have been chosen”
Dr Kim’s TEDx Talk is a must listen and watch.
Kim continues “I am the one. Let me introduce myself, I am Dr Kim Brown and I have spent my entire life proving myself and achieving more in order to seek external validation, Dr Kim Brown.Through no fault of my parents, I didn’t feel and appreciate the love they were trying to show me. They just didn’t know how to express the love in the way that I needed to feel it.
So I looked externally to win it from them. Achieving more validation,external title meeting expectations, met expectations,exceeding expectation, striving for perfection, pride,self-pride, chasing more, chasing love, chasing perfection, justifying, seeking validation, seeking recognition, seeking approval. One of my driving forces to strive for so much, was to validate and be validated by my parents. Justifying their efforts to bring me to life, to look at me, be proud of me, love me, tell me, hug me because I hadn’t learned how tolove myself.
Humans seem to seek external validation from many sources and of course it’s more rampant today with the use of social media. Chasing the likes, chasing the comments, comparing ourselves and comparing our lives to others perfect lives. This external validation becomes an addiction successful social interactions and the neurotransmitters released during such interactions can be one of the most fulfilling stimuli for humans.
So we chase the addiction of external validation, another like, another share,another comment. In a world of external validation we are seeking it in some way. And we shouldn’t need to, I was addicted to seeking validation and approval by my parents but I was seeking validation from my parents because I didn’t yet think I was good enough. Surely they would be proud of me if I got a great education, a great title, achieved something more doing more, addicted to more.
I was achieving for all the wrong reasons, I was seeking validation from my parents, from my clients from my patients, from my family, my friends, my loved ones,always striving for approval and external validation,external acceptance, external love and pride. Always chasing more validation via a title or an achievement because I didn’t feel good enough, loved enough, didn’t feel worthy enough, didn’t feel like anybody else was proud of me too much was never enough,always seeking more it was never enough. And even if they were proud of me what I thought of me should have been the most important thing of all.
You see validation became an addiction for me, Icraved more validation. Like a drug addict chasing the next fix of well-done excellent work, keep it up, backing up those expectations chasing more, seeking perfection doing more always more. Now don’t get me wrong I am very proud of me, by the end of this talk you will have learnt about how I overcame this.
You will see how my feelings and emotions have changed. Later on I will tell you how I think about myself today. Looking back I was achieving it for all the wrong reasons I was achieving it for other people’s happiness, other people’s fulfillment, not even my own. I was getting my fulfillment through other people’s happiness, other people’s pride, other people’s fulfilment.
Now achievement does not equal fulfillment, success does not equal happiness, money does not equal wealth, now it doesn’t have to be that way anymore. We live in a society with emotional intelligence. We have access to so many more resources than our parents did and the generation before then. We now know what we should do, our parents just didn’t know because they didn’t have the resources from their parents.
Forgive them for what they didn’t know but ignorance is not an excuse anymore there is a wealth of information available to us. Now we know that we should love our children and openly tell them every day. We know that they should feel it, see it, hear it every day. Be sure that you are showing them every day. We know this now,it’s a new age of information it was unknown back in the day but it’s not an excuse now.
I know now that my children should feel and be told every day that they are loved twice a day. It’s part of our fabric now, this is the new age we know this now don’t let anybody be that little girl that I was, craving seeking hugs, validation and love, seeking approval. How full is your children’s love tank, how full is your child’s cup. Do you help them fill it up every day, what would happen if your child believed that they were enough every day without even having to prove it.
What would happen if you told your child you love them every day just because they exist. How would your child feel hearing that every single day. Don’t let anyone go through life thinking they are not enough, that they need to be validated externally. Our past doesn’t need to dictate our future. I certainly ensure my children know that they are enough, that they are loved. I make sure they hear it, feel it, see it every day.
We have a responsibility to our children to help them believe that they are the miracle. They are, tell them every day make sure they don’t feel inadequate like you did, like I did. Ensure your children feel loved every single day so they don’t crave and seek external validation and approval through social media. So they know they are enough, so they know and feel that they are a miracle.
Let’s not continue the status quo that we experienced. Let’s show the current generation that it is a beautiful world filled with love and miracles. There are no excuses, the same way there are no mistakes we have the knowledge we have the resources, we are the change for our children. Let’s be the change and break the mould. There are no mistakes there are no excuses, we have the responsibility to be the change to make the change to create a new future for our children.
Our past does not define our future let’s help our children love their life living it to their full potential. Imagine your life free of having to seek external validation and approval in order to fit in. Imagine a world with unconditional love every day. Imagine a time when you no longer look outside yourself for fulfilment. That is my life every day, I no longer feel alone, I no longer feel isolated, I no longer feel unloved and unfulfilled.
In fact I live a very fulfilled life, so humble so loved and even in this crazy world we areliving in, right now. That’s how I feel every day. Iam truly connected to myself and to the miracle, I amthat one special egg and therefore I encourage you to connect with yourself, to who you really are. The miracle.
Now one of the ways I achieve this is through practicing gratitude, as it’s been shown in studies that it is impossible to be in a negative emotion and be grateful at the same time. So I practice it first thing in the morning when I get up before I even get out of bed I ask myself what am I grateful for? And you could do it too, what is it that you are grateful for?
Is it the air you breathe, the warm bed you’re in, the electricity you’re about to turn on, the hot running water as you shower. And make sure you do it again as the last thing you do, the very last thing you do at night, do it daily every day because the more you practice the more you get to connect with yourself and gratitude is positively connected to more vitality,more energy and more enthusiasm in your life.
So do it every night before bed, ask yourself what are the three things that I am most grateful for today? It’s a perfect way to raise your vibration right before you guide or go to bed. The time is now, we are all we need that’s how you can feel every day that’s how Ifeel every day. I am enough, I am loved, I am worthy. So lean into it, it’s yours, live a life without needing external validation or approval.
You are a miracle with a toolkit full of miracles. Live your life,your reality. My dreams have become my reality and what if I told you, you really are a miracle. You create your reality by your thoughts, so what if you thought of yourself as the miracle you truly are?
Country : Australia