It’s my experience that the average person doesn’t make 100 major mistakes in life. Instead, we tend to make the same 1 or 2 key mistakes, 100 different times.
The majority of people have blind-spots that make it difficult to see where—and why—we continually fall into our problems. On top of that, we’re creatures of habit, and in this instance, that doesn’t help.
We have a tendency to run patterns, and most of the problems in our lives stem from the same patterns, but merely applied to a new set of operative facts, circumstances, places, or people.
To turn your life around, and create the types of outcomes you want, it’s crucial that you become adept at spotting the recurring troubles in your life, and then to break that pattern.
Unfortunately, most people see no pattern in their lives at all. They always see drama, or things that don’t work, and they don’t realize that there’s some operative, deep core issue going on, one that sets in motion all the different problems and challenges they have.
Almost every day, I receive messages from people who feel like they’re victims, and would swear that everyone around them treats them poorly.
But when I study their lives closely, I’ve found that oftentimes, they themselves are enormously aggressive, socially damaging, and out there hurting people.
And so what is really going on here?
When people don’t respond well to their behavior, they raise their hands in the air and say, “Hey – people are hurting me so much! They’re so mean to me! I just have no luck. I’m probably cursed.”
Um, no… You, my toxic friend, are creating your own chaos.
There’s an old joke whereby a guy says, “Oh, I’m the thorough type. I never make the same mistake twice. I make it at least 5 or 6 times.”
Yes, I get the ‘joke,’ but in truth, it’s really not that funny at all. Almost everyone does this at one time or another, and the joke is always on us.
There’s an old adage: “Wherever you go, there you are.”
From the person you didn’t develop into, or that you failed to become, this will revisit you in your life—and bring you tests, struggles, challenge, and pain.
It’s also vital that you become open to receiving help from someone else in identifying the recurring patterns and themes in your own life.
Even if you’re pretty adept at giving advice to others who are ‘stuck,’ your own patterns will probably remain concealed from you.
As it says in the Talmud (Berachos 5b,) “A captive cannot release himself from prison.” Virtually everyone needs some help from the outside.
I urge you to go and get it.
Sam (Shlomo Zalman) Bregman is the CEO of Alpha Tribe Media, a full-service digital agency that specializes in building massive social media followings and communities that accelerate their clients’ influence.